Mummy Returns Review
by Tim Wick
How fortunate it is that no-one actually reads these reviews or I would
probably be about to get somebody really angry.
You see, I am about to say that The Mummy Returns is a truly awful film.
While I know some of the people with whom I saw the film agree with my
assessment, an equal number of others seem to have found the film
entertaining.
Fact is, I found it entertaining, but that didn't make it any less awful.
Can a film be entertaining and bad at the same time? Unquestionably so (one
needs only to look as far as Independence Day in my opinion). I fear that
the reason The Mummy Returns was so amusing was because it managed to make
me laugh at it's own extravagances.
A sequel, if one were to believe Hollywood, needs to be bigger than it's
predecessor. If that were the case, this film should feature snappier
dialogue, more special effects, more scarabs, more CGI undead and a nastier
villain. It has all of that - except for the snappier dialog and the
nastier
villain. That's why it misses the mark.
The special effects in The Mummy - get this - weren't that great (I know
I'll get hate mail over this one). The CGI was good, but the CGI creations
were so obviously CGI, they didn't always work. What worked was the script
and the chemistry between Rachel Weisz and Branden Fraser. The chemistry is
still there, but the script isn't.
With a few (admittedly) notable exceptions, the best moments in this film
are
throwbacks to the first one. It's as if they didn't trust themselves to
write anything particularly entertaining, so they just wrote the old movie
over again, removing much of the great banter than characterized the first
film.
The banter is replaced with more CGI special effects that have a far lesser
dramatic impact. In the first film, we saw Im-Ho-Tep suck the life out of
people in our minds. The aftermath was typically our only glimpse of what
happened (except for a great shadow sequence). In this film, they have to
do
it "better" so we get to see it close up in all it's CGI grandeur. What was
on film was nothing compared to what used to be in my mind.
The thing is, a lot of critics bashed this film and I feel as if I should
defend this genre title for all us geeks. I, the unread little guy who
never
even went to film school should stand up and defend this action horror
picture against all those critics whose opinion didn't stop anybody from
going to the film. My opinion won't keep anyone away either, but I have to
side with the critics.
Although not for the reasons I have heard. In specific, I read a quote from
Roger Ebert that a 10 minute roller coaster ride is fun, but a two hour one
isn't. Depends on the roller coaster. I can think of several roller
coasters (Star Wars and Raiders of the Lost Ark) I not only happily rode
for two hours, I've ridden them over and over again.
As a roller coaster - a popcorn flick - The Mummy Returns wasn't a bad
ride. Problem is that I don't have any desire to ride it again. It spend
so
much time trying to convince me that it was a better ride than the original
film, I found myself wanting to pop the original into the DVD player when I
got home. I was humming the theme music from the original film in the car.
When all I could do was think about how much I wanted to see The Mummy and
how much better it was than The Mummy Returns, I can honestly say they
didn't build a better roller coaster.
And they could have. I can think of a few minor plot changes that would
have
helped, but that probably would not counteract the over dependence on CGI
undead. A particularly laughable sequence involving undead pygmies in the
middle of Egypt is a great example of a sequence I could have lived without.
I felt the sequence was meant to be taken fairly seriously. It was argued
that the film makers must have known the sequence would be laughed at.
Parts
of it, yes, but not all of it. I respond that the producers of Mission to
Mars did not intend for the final act of that film to be funny - but it
was.
I'm on a bit of a rant here and I probably should let it go. The movie
isn't
THAT bad. It's better than any of the films that made my bottom five last
year. It is, however, a huge disappointment given the film that preceded
it.
The Hollywood machine can produce good blockbusters, The Mummy proved
that. The Mummy Returns proved to me that they might do better to stay
out
of the sequel business.
Check out another Mummy Returns review.
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