Oscar Roundup
by Tim Wick
Well the Oscars are over. I have one last chance to rant about Gladiator
and I will then get back to the movie theatre to start racking up a list of
films I can complain about at next year's telecast. In the tradition of
last year, I will give this as a best and worst list.
Best Joke
Man, Steve Martin fired off a ton of them. I was very pleased with his turn
as host and hope he will return. However, I give him a tie for his two
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon jokes:
To me, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon sounds like something Siegfried and
Roy do on vacation.
I saw Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, and I was surprised because I
didn't see any tigers or dragons, and then I realized why: They're crouching
and hidden.
Worst Joke
Well, I liked it but Russell Crowe didn't:
Ellen Burstyn did something that not many actresses would do for a movie.
She made herself look 20 pounds heavier and 30 pounds older. And Russell
Crowe still hit on her.
I think Steve was just trying to make fun of Russell's womanizer image, but
I'm not sure he chose the right venue. Crowe's glare seemed to suggest he
didn't appreciate what Martin probably thought was good natured ribbing. I'm
guessing he'd forgotten all about it by the time he began his acceptance
speech for Best Actor, though.
Best Sport
Tom Hanks, who had the best reaction to Steve Martin's suggestion that he
was behind the Russell Crowe kidnapping plot. Hanks is pretty clearly a
class act and had a fine sense of humor. Runner up was Danny DeVito. When
he was shown eating a carrot during a music presentation, Martin ran out and
handed DeVito a bowl of dip. DeVito gamely pulled a celery stalk out of his
coat pocket and dug in.
Worst Sport
Ridley Scott. He's a great director, but didn't deserve the statue this
year. He looked positively livid about the fact that he didn't win. I know
it's tough to lose, but it just rubbed me the wrong way.
Best Acceptance Speech
No surprise here - Julia Roberts. She has that
I'm-just-so-thrilled-to-be-here-who-cares-if-I-win-or-lose-small-town-girl
thing down better than anyone. She was also funnier than anyone except
Steve Martin.
Worst Acceptance Speech
Wasn't really a notably terrible one this year. My take - you just won an
Oscar. TV ratings be damned - you have the right to talk as much time as
you want. You might never be here again.
Worst aging job
Bob Dylan. We decided he looked like a cross between Vincent Price and
Wayne Newton. I saw this morning that Roger Ebert threw in a reference to
Salvador Dali as well. I can see that. Maybe it was just the Sattelite
feed that was the problem....
Best aging job
Sigourney Weaver, who is still stunning at 51 and Goldie Hawn, who looked
adorable despite being 56!!???? Both managed to show that beauty is not
just a function of youth. Also Morgan Freeman looked absolutely cool.
Best Musical choice
Itzhak Pearlman and Yo-Yo Ma playing excerpts from the Oscar Nominated
scores. When the two of them began to play a duet during the Chocolat
score, you could feel how much they enjoyed playing with each other. I sure
enjoyed watching them.
Worst Musical Choice
Having the lead singer of the Bangles sing with Randy Newman. Then they had
this back up chorus dressed in .... something ...
Somebody bring back the cheesy dance number!!!
Best Surprise
Stephen Soderburg gets Best Director for Traffic! I love Ang Lee and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, but Soderburg deserved to win this year,
I'm thrilled he pulled the upset.
Worst Surprise
It wasn't a surprise, but after everything else, I had hoped Gladiator
wouldn't take Best Picture. Some how it still did, beating out two far more
impressive films. At the end of the evening, mediocrity ruled Hollywood.
What a pity.
Best Dress
I'm not much for fashion, but Michelle Yeoh was stunning in her sequined
number. Not even she could match that red number that the woman singing the
song from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon was wearing.
Worst Dress
Oh, so many to choose from. I really didn't like Rene Zellweger's yellow
thing at all. I think I'll pick that.
Best News for Dreamworks
They just picked up their second Best Picture Oscar in so many years and
were unfairly beaten out for Saving Private Ryan three years ago. They
also have two best Director Oscars in that three year span. Much has been
made of the Mirimax publicity machine. Dreamworks clearly has a better one.
Worst news for the public
All in all, the Oscar voters are more likely to vote safe (Gladiator) when
it comes to Best Picture. No wonder films like Pulp Fiction and
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon could never hope to achieve more than a
nomination.
Best Statistic
Less than 3 1/2 hours. That is the run time for this year's ceremony. I
love the Oscars, but I have to get up and go to work the next day.
That's it. No more Oscar articles this year. Now we go back to the
theatres and start thinking about next year. What a tough life it is.
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