Adventures in Austin

by Windy Merrill

• Plan 9 from Outer Space
• Magnolia
• Song of the South
• Fritz the Cat
• Fade to Black
• The Seven Brothers Meet Dracula
• Phantom of the Paradise
• Pitch Black
• Monsters I have Loved
• Giant Gila Monster
• Lesbian Vampires
• Tron
• Six String Samurai

What do these films have to do with each other? Is this some bizarre logic puzzle..."given the following, try to determine the next in the series??" What sane mind would have created such a list?

The answer lies many miles away in the much-stereotyped Lone Star State. High on a central plateau, conveniently barricaded away from the cowboys and shotguns, lies the city of Austin, Texas. Hidden in its artsy warehouse district lies the Alamo Drafthouse - site of bizarre film occurrences and sightings. Frequent haunt to CONvergence'99 guests Harry Knowles and Jay "Father Geek" Knowles. Home to the first (and hopefully not last) annual Butt-Numb-a-Thon. And my goal, target and mecca on December 18, 1999.

Why in the world has it taken me so long to report in on this momentous event? Two words: Recovery time. That and a need to smugly hoard my fun all to myself.

The Alamo Drafthouse is a cinema & grill serving beers, wines, pizzas, burgers and absolutely fabulous dessert thingies. The perfect location for a 24 hour film fest, with a staff that's fun, friendly and fast. Now, the Alamo was going to be undergoing a remodel with new seats being installed, but I did not find the seat I occupied at all disappointing. Of course, it didn't hurt that I was pretty much front and center, whispering distance from our host Harry Knowles and the ever-knowledgeable Father Geek.

But I'm a bit ahead of myself here. First, the experience of approaching the Drafthouse and entering its hallowed halls. Harry himself had reserved a ticket for me and handed it to me upon my arrival, along with a big hug.

As I entered, I was an outsider, a foreigner, a stranger. This would not last long.

The friendly staff at the top of the stairs was collecting the pledge cards (all proceeds going to start and fund a children's film series in Austin. Go Harry!). I quickly certified my eligible and eager status and made my way inside to my seat, where I found Jay "Father Geek" holding court.

These are about the last clear memories I have of the weekend. It's gonna get jumpy and hazy from here on in.

After some introductions, a dropping off of Harry's birthday presents, meeting Harry's little sister, and ordering my first meal of the fest, Harry got us started a little after noon. He wanted to make it clear that this was not a 24 hour BAD film fest. This was 24 hours of all sorts of movies. But since the press and the public seemed to expect it, we kicked things off with the epitome of all bad films: Plan 9 from Outer Space. Let me say that this film gains a resonance and sweetness after viewing Ed Wood. Let me also say that a theatre packed with film freaks is the best place to view this movie. This was an interactive event in the best sense.

Next up - a sneak preview of "Magnolia" with an introduction by PT Anderson (looking suspiciously un-like himself). Harry was kind to us and our butts - he knew a 3 hour movie needed to happen early in the siege. But honestly, I didn't notice my butt or the 3 hour length. What an amazing movie. The best part was getting to see it a month before my friends. The worst part was having to wait a month to talk about it.

There was stretching and chatting and more introductions and more ordering of food and drinks, and then we all settled back in for Harry's wonderful treat - The Song of the South. The average audience member's age dropped to about 5 years old the minute Uncle Remus appeared. It is an injustice to this sweet and wonderful film that Disney refuses to re-release based on misguided notions about "racism" in the film. I could rant here about it for another 20 pages....but I won't. Enough to say that we gobbled it up. At one point, I peeked over my shoulder to see row upon row of smiling, happy faces behind me. And I knew that my face looked pretty much the same.

But then, to make a point about what a truly dated, offensive movie is - we endured Fritz the Cat. All I can say is that I have now seen it. And I never have to see it again. I flinched, I almost bolted. But I clenched my teeth and got through it.

The next three films Fade to Black, The Seven Brothers Meet Dracula and Phantom of the Paradise are a descent into the 70's, but the 70's that we're all fond of.

Fade to Black is an interesting little film starring that kid from Breaking Away. It's the story of a kid who knows way too much about movies, and slowly begins to act out his favorite characters and favorite scenes, eventually leading to murder.

The Seven Brothers Meet Dracula is a bizarre blend of the low-budget Dracula films and the chop-socky cinema coming out of Hong Kong. It's not a great movie, but it's sure a good time.

Phantom of the Paradise gets a lot of criticism for its camp value. Hell, the movie stars Paul Williams. But if you're into rock musicals, you could certainly chose worse than this retelling of the Phantom of the Opera.

Now, it's about 3 in the morning, and I'm just starting to stare the sleepies full-on in the face. And Harry's electric fly-swatter is just not the deterrent it used to be. I grab some caffeine and only vaguely listen to Harry & Moriarty (not the robotic one, either!) extol the virtues of the next little film we're going to watch. I settle in between Harry & Jay and briefly question what we're gonna see. It's a sneak preview, and other than that...all Harry will say is, "Just watch." For the first 5 minutes of the movie, I'm pretty sure Harry was watching me more than the film. If he wanted reaction, he got it. I gasped. I jumped. I shouted. And then I settled in to watch the rest of Pitch Black.

Ken Wheat, one of the scriptwriters (and a really great guy), gets completely upstaged by his entrance. Vin gets a standing ovation that pretty near makes him blush. He flew in just to say a quick hello, and thanks for the support, and chat and sign things in the lobby. Needless to say, I was hot on his heels as he exited the theatre. Got a couple of signatures, and some really great smiles. Not to mention some fantastic memories!

As dawn is approaching, I'm still buzzed from that wild ride and I opt out of sitting sedately in the dark. Instead I sit down and have a mega-chat with Ken Wheat, Moriarty (with Henchman Mongo in tow), and a few others about film, scifi and why Jar-Jar Binks was allowed to live. The hours fly by and I completely miss The Giant Gila Monster. Bummer for me. I did catch the end of Lesbian Vampires and was pretty much clueless about the whole experience. Being the good film lover, I refrained from asking the 101 questions that I would've known the answer to if I'd simply watched the film from the beginning.

Well, we're all aching and bleary and Harry serves up Tron. I am thrilled! For about the first half hour, until I realize what a slow pace the movie has. Cat naps insue and I'm jostled awake just in time for the introduction to the last film. Harry taunts us with the knowledge that it MIGHT have been a pristine, pre-"special edition" censorship Empire Strikes Back. If only we'd had the right lens. Damn you, Knowles.

So, what delight are we offered as the dessert to such a smorgasbord? Six String Samurai Post apocalyptic, guitar slinging, sword wielding, rockabilly hipster on a quest to become the King. I admit to dozing in and out, much to my frustration because I was digging this flick! If you can find this little gem, clutch it tight and don't let go! It's got a camp value of about +8 and some great Hong Kong action stuff.

But, wait...I'm trapped alone in a city in TEXAS and my flight doesn't leave till tomorrow morning...when up steps Mein Host, Harry Knowles and says...

Well, what happened next was certainly an adventure. The details....too shocking to repeat. The memories are thankfully beginning to lose their pain. All I can safely tell you is this: When staying in lovely downtown Austin, be sure to book your accommodations at the Austin Motel.